It is only natural when our children are faced with loss, failure, disappointment or rejection that we want to step in, take away the loss, ease the pain of failure, counteract the disapointment and reverse the effects of rejection . Nothing breaks our hearts more than hearing our kids lament that they had no-one to play with. Nothing can bring us down like seeing the look of complete devastation on a child who tried so hard, but still didnt make the team. We want to mend the friendshift rift, buy a replacement for the toy that just broke and somehow get them into the “A” team, because we know they really are the best. But are we really helping our kids, or merely helping to facilitate their dependence on us? Are we sending them the message that when things dont go to plan, simply wait for someone to step in and make the changes needed to suit their every whim. If we want to help our children build their resilience and independance therefore, we need to view these moments not as problems we need to solve, but rather as great opportunities for our children to learn and grow. [Read more...]
I cannot tell you how many times I have heard, “I’m such a bad mum ….”.
I will give you some examples, all from just this past week. And thankyou friends for unwittingly giving me fodder for this blog post. You know who you are! [Read more...]
I thought about this question when reading extensively on what makes for great parenting and how best we can enrich the lives of our children. It can be a little overwhelming as a parent to be bombarded with the ‘best’ way to get the very ‘best’ out of your child and do the very ‘best’ job that is humanly possible. In perusing the plethora of information, one can be forgiven for starting to feel a little inadequate with some of their own parenting practises. [Read more...]
Before I had children I knew exactly the type of parent I was going to be and subsequently I knew exactly the type of children I was going to ‘create’. They would never throw tantrums in the middle of the supermarket aisle like those other kids with parents who had no control. They would never make noise and annoy other diners at a restaurant and would never spill a full glass of soft drink despite repeated warnings. In fact they wouldnt have nor ask for soft drink. They would never have anything dripping from their nose and nor would they ever sit in a dirty nappy for any length of time whotsoever. They would always come when they were called, would learn to iron by 6, give pedicures and facials, cook a roast like a masterchef kid….ok so it wasnt long before the pre children ideology morphed into something more realistic, something less glamourous and somewhat unpredictable, but still found itself sticking to a few basic ideals based on some firmly entrenched values.
When thinking about different parenting styles, I started to think about the role models we may have consiously or sub-consciously modelled ourselves on. It wasnt long before I began to examine all sorts of highly influential people, including those mums we spent hours watching on TV. So role model or pure entertainment value, I thought I would share some famous TV mums with you [Read more...]
My previous posts have looked at helping children grieve and how a childs age and development can determine their reaction to grief. I will finish this by looking at some concrete ways in which we can help support our children through these difficult times.
Provide a safe place for them to vent their emotions. This can be done through play, through drawing , through listening to or playing music or by writing a letter or keeping a journal. Writing (or keeping a blog) is a great way to help you make sense of all that is in your head, and can help to get your feelings and emotions into some sort of perspective.
Allow children time to talk, ask questions and answer as truthfully as you can, in ways they can understand. Remembering that children process grief quite differently depending on their age and development.
Stick to as many family routines as you can. Children need to know that the world will still go on, despite the sadness and upheaval that surrounds them. Children thrive on routines and it is helpful for them to maintain a sense of stability and security. [Read more...]