Parenting with illness: the importance of help and support

Being sick really isn’t any fun at all. And being sick when you have other little (or big) people you are responsible for is even worse. Well that was my week last week. It was only really a good 24 hours that I was physically sick with a violent and ugly case of gastro….but it was enough to pretty much write off the whole week. (It didn’t help that 5 out of our 7 family members got it too…so on the plus side, every item of linen and bedding is fresh and clean and the floors have been washed numerous times!)

When lying in my bed, so thankful for my mother who slotted right into proceedings, and a cousin who had made all the kids lunches, it was kind of bizarre sitting back and listening to the goings on of your family, but having no input at all. It was a bit like wanting to help, give advice, join in and be a part of it, but really not caring enough to be the slightest bit interested. [Read more...]

Share

The Help: Some lessons for us all (and a giveaway!)

I recently found myself giving in and watching the movie “The Help” as despite having a copy of the book by my bedside table I just couldn’t quite get to it  (I am struggling as it is to read my one book group book per month). I am so glad I watched it though. It was a wonderful portrayal of the complexities of the Civil Rights movement in Mississippi as seen by three young women who set out to transcend the lines that define them. But for me there was some very poignant moments and much to take on board with regards to raising our own children. The words by Aibileen to the toddler Mae, who she was essentially raising, have stuck with me well beyond the closing credits and have the ability to also transcend all lines and times. These words she would have her young charges repeat on a daily basis.

 

“You is kind. You is smart. You is important” [Read more...]

Share

Grief to Me

There are many similiarities in the way people deal with grief, but overwhelmingly, grief is a very individual experience. Lately I have heard many people asking for advice on how to process their grief or indeed how to go on living with the seemingly unbearable pain of loss. Many are often wanting reassurance that what they are feeling is normal. They want to know if and how it changes. They sometimes want to know strategies on how to move forward. They want to know if there is a timeframe. They want to know how it is they will ever feel joy again. These answers will always vary.

Here is how my grief has looked and will continue to look. It may be similiar to others. It may be completely different. What it does highlight is that it is disorganised, untimely, sometimes static and sometimes everchanging….but it can only ever be yours.

Grief to me

It is screaming so hard that you thought you might die or wish that you could.

It is that stabbing pain at the sudden intrusion to your daily walk

It is avoiding certain people

It is going to certain people

It is avoiding certain places

It is going to certain places

It is smiling at a past memory

It is gasping for air at a past memory

It is throwing things in anger

It is crying tears of joy for the happiness you see in your childrens eyes

It is heartache in the pit of your stomach camoflaged by a smile

It is snide remarks about others that you say only to yourself

It is picking up those around you

It is being picked up

It is rejoicing in a new life

It is fear

It is a gazillion cups of tea

It is hating some songs

It is loving more deeply

It is surprising yourself with laughter

It is holding a little bit tighter

It is forgiving more quickly

It is holding a grudge

It is walking at night not caring if you are safe

It is dreading a certain day, a time and a season

It is feeling joy like you never thought you would

It is hoping

It is all consuming

It is unending

It is a sole source of inspiration

It is mine

Share

I dont care if you smack or breastfeed: What really makes for great parents

As parents it seems there are 2 things most of us are pretty good at, and that is feeling guilty and judging, both ourselves and others. As a parent blogger and family counsellor, there are some things I think we should all be concerned about and some things that we should leave up to the judgement of the individual and their families based on their own values and what it is they see as important to the running of their households.

So for me, these are examples of some of the things that we shouldn’t be so concerned about, the things that within reason the individual has the ability to decide without having to defend or justify: [Read more...]

Share