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The Role of the Bystander : Give Kids the Skills to Say No To Bullying

June 25, 2012 By 22 Comments

Do you know what your children would do if they were to witness a bullying incident? Would they speak up, intervene, join in, turn away or go and get help? Have you ever asked them?

When we talk about bullying we usually concentrate on the bully and the victim. We talk about why the bully feels the need to torment another. We talk about what the victim should do in response to the bullying. We talk about what we, as parents need to say to our children should they be the victim or the bully.

The most important help or protagonist to any bullying situation however, can actually lie with the bystander. If we as a society are to eradicate bullying, we need to make it absolutely and unconditionally unacceptable. To do so we need to create a culture whereby a bully is the minority and that all those that are witness, refuse to accept.

There are 2 ways a bystander can respond to a bullying incident.

  1. An unhelpful/ negative response:
  • Encourage the bully by laughing, jeering & helping to instigate the torment or
  • Stand by watching, accepting and doing nothing [Read more...]
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Filed Under: Communicating and Connecting, Modern Parenting Tagged With: , , , ,

My 3 top tips for preventing the toddler tantrum

June 18, 2012 By 16 Comments

What is the best way to control a toddler? How can I stop my child from throwing a tantrum? Why wont my child listen?

I think when I tell people what I do, more often than not it is these sorts of questions that parents fire away most desperately. In search of that magical answer that will return to their arms that precious bundle of compliance and chubby cuteness to replace the obstinate temper tantrum throwing little minx that they need to go and watch sleeping, just to remind themselves how much they really do love them.

The answers are not always easy, otherwise there would be no tantrums at the supermarket, or wails of “no” when told to go to bed or stubborn refusals to wear a jacket despite the arctic like temperatures. Each child is different, each family situation is unique  and the interactions and communication between parents and child is an intricate battle of emotions that sometimes means we are unable to remove ourselves from the situation and engage in any rational thought. But as I am in the middle of toddlerhood with my 4th son, I have managed to learn a thing or two about toddler behaviour and I stress that whilst nothing is full proof nor comes with any guarantees, I have come up with my 3 best tips to tame a toddler and get back to enjoying their charm. [Read more...]

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Filed Under: Discipline, Modern Parenting, More Joy Less Stress Tagged With: , ,

So many mean kids: why parents need to go back to basics

June 11, 2012 By 10 Comments

Why are some kids showing disregard for others, society and the laws? What is it that we are doing differently that allows children to think they are beyond reproach? Have kids always behaved this way, or is it really getting worse as professed by many older generation teachers and law enforcers.  Or is it just a by-product of this new environment within which we live?

There have been some mutterings in mainstream media yet again about the role that the policy makers need to play in helping raise our children. Recent studies have indicated that almost 75% of Year 9 students have inflicted some form of harassment on another student. So now we are expected to wait whilst we yet again discuss, argue and employ people to spend hundreds of hours of time formulating what we as a society need to do to stop the kids that are out of control, stop them committing acts of violence, disrespecting teachers and authority, being self absorbed, ungrateful and downright mean.

If we are to continue to bring respected and respectful, compassionate and independent young adults into the world, I believe we need to parent based on these 2 basic elements: [Read more...]

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Filed Under: Communicating and Connecting, Modern Parenting, Teenagers Tagged With: , , , ,

Why we need to Say No To Bullying: an interview with Dylan

June 4, 2012 By 23 Comments

The thought of one of our children being bullied, either verbally, physically or covertly, is something that will always remain one of the greatest concerns for any parent.  One boy that was bullied to almost breaking point was Dylan Raven. But Dylan has refused to let his bullies destroy his life and instead set about campaigning to put an end to the devastation that threatens to ruin the lives of so many. I heard about Dylans work to stop bullying online and approached him to answer some questions to help both ourselves as parents understand the role we must play and our children too,  get a better perspective of how damaging bullying can be. Dylan is 16 now and studying year 11. You can find him on Facebook at Facebook.com/sn2bullying  and follow him on Twitter @DylanRaven16.

 

Could you give us a little background on what you have endured at the hands of bullies in the past and more recently? 

I was firstly bullied when I started year 7 back in 2008. I had pencils, erasers, sharpeners, scissors and rulers thrown at me. By the end of year 7 after I began year 8 the bullying worsened and that is when it turned more physical and violent.

I was choked whilst standing in the canteen line, had my head rammed into a brick wall while waiting in my class line for the teacher, one science lesson I had a cable tie put around my throat, which was then tightened to the point where I couldn’t breathe.  My normal teacher had been away that day, so my science class had a casual. At the time when I had the cable tie put around my throat, the teacher had their back to us as they were writing on the board. Their response was “I didn’t see it, you must have done it yourself to get them into trouble” At this stage I was so frustrated; I just walked out of the classroom because everyone was laughing at me.

 

Do you have any idea as to why you were singled out to be bullied? 

A few reasons which I believe I was targeted; They were trying to show off in front of their friends, peer pressuring each other to bully me and to make themselves look good in front of everyone who witnessed the incidents. [Read more...]

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Filed Under: Communicating and Connecting, Modern Parenting, Teenagers Tagged With: , , ,