Modern Parenting

A very important Mothers Day present: Disconnecting to Reconnect

April 19, 2013 By Martine 13 Comments

I remember spending my first Mothers Day in the Royal Childrens Hospital with my new baby and I was given a little card with his handprints and a poem. It was definitely the best Mothers Day gift ever, as I also found out that day that we would soon be going home and that he was going to be OK. As the Mothers Day’s have added up over time I have been blessed with all manner of home made cards, little photo frames that magnet to the fridge, hand creams, face washers, chocolates, candles and book marks. I’ve loved all these presents, but even more so the excitement in the giving and the exuberant explanations as to why you need to have that replica croc shoe that doubles as a phone cover.

This year, whilst still grateful to accept all Mothers Day stall paraphernalia, I am asking for something a little different from my boys.

This year I am asking for the gift of ‘connectedness’.

That’s right. For one whole Mothers Day weekend our whole family is switching off the technology. No ipod music, no Kik, no Instagram, no Wii, no Xbox, no Minecraft, no Facebook, no Twitter,no Skype. And yes this will be a challenge for the adults in the house just as much as the kids. [Read more...]

Whats normal for today’s kids? Is your child average?

April 15, 2013 By Martine 14 Comments

When it comes to the common behaviours, beliefs and values of today’s kids, we are often hearing sweeping statements such as “kids of today…”, “”we didn’t have to….when I was young”, “they don’t know how good they’ve got it” etc etc

So what are kids really like today? Well in reality they are probably no different to the kids that I hung out with or my parents hung out with. What is different however, is the world in which they are growing up in. I am often reading and researching different statistics as well as interviewing and counselling children on their behaviours and thoughts and so I thought I would compile for you some of the major recurring themes of what the ‘average’ kid is doing and thinking today. (All stats are from my own surveys with teens and from McAfees recent survey)

They want to be private

They want to be private, but mostly they are not. Or at least they want privacy from ‘oldies’ but forget they are hanging out in a public playground that allows viewing by all ages. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Modern Parenting, Technology and Parenting, Teenagers Tagged With: internet, online, Parenting, statistics, technology

Labelling our kids: Are we failing them with our diagnoses?

April 8, 2013 By Martine 38 Comments

Do we need to keep labelling our kids? Must we prod and probe every behaviour, mood, emotion, flip out, tantrum and bad day until we have a definitive name, strategy or prescription? Could we sometimes just take a step back and take each kid on their own merits? Maybe look at their individual circumstance? Or do we need to constantly evaluate and categorise in order to give each child the best chance at collective strategising and access to the best start in life?

Firstly let me say there are definitely occasions when a diagnoses is warranted and should be sought out to give kids the greatest chance of living with certain conditions. We know that early intervention can have an enormous impact on the outcomes of children who suffer certain challenges . So that is not who I am talking about.

I read recently that ‘toddler tantrum syndrome’ was actually being discussed as a psychological disorder to be added to the DSM-V, which is the official medical diagnostic journal put out by the American Psychiatric Association and used by the medical profession worldwide. Actually it will be called Temper Dysregulation Disorder. I didn’t make that up. I also read that there is a possibility grief will be added as a psychological disorder as well. This scares me to say the least. It may seem far fetched but with diagnoses like these, doping a kid up with some drug to curb the effects of toddler tantrum syndrome could be an all too common reality. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Modern Parenting Tagged With: diagnosing, labels, Parenting

Teaching kids empathy in order to tackle the bully

April 2, 2013 By Martine 14 Comments

There was a documentary we sat down to watch with the 10 and 12 year old last week about a football team from America in the 60′s. It was the story of Ole Miss, the Mississippi University where riots ensued after JFK overruled the University Chancellor to allow James Meredith entry into the University as the first African American. The hate and discrimination was perplexing to say the least to our 2 boys. “Are they seriously protesting because he is black? It’s just skin colour?” We then proceeded to elaborate on the civil rights movement and the origins of the racism. What pleased me most I guess was the absolute disbelief that our kids showed. It is just not part of their world that people are discriminated against for skin colour or ethnicity. I know this is not necessarily the case for all kids but in this instance , we have certainly come a long way. They showed genuine empathy for Meredith and for all the African American children that were denied basic human rights. “But aren’t they exactly the same as the other kids?”.

I started thinking about this empathy that my kids felt and wondered how much it extends to other areas of life and discrimination. Empathy is such an important asset, particularly when dealing with bullies both online and in the real world. We know how important the bystander is in helping to curb bullying, and we know the bystander can only be effective if they have an ability to feel empathy.

What is Empathy?

Empathy is more than sympathy or feeling sorry for someone. Empathy is the ability to really put yourself in someone else’ shoes. It is taking on another’s perspective with the self awareness to distinguish ones own feelings from the feelings of others. Empathic behaviour means being aware of the environment and circumstance of others in order to regulate ones own emotional response. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Modern Parenting, Technology and Parenting, Teenagers Tagged With: bullying, cyberbullying, empathy, Parenting

4 things I do everyday to keep my kids safe online

March 25, 2013 By Martine 16 Comments

Despite being a cyber safety consultant and counsellor of many families that have struggled with online safety issues, my most important job is as a mother to 5 boys. There is no greater motivation for me to research the best ways to ensure responsible online use than the social, emotional and physical safety of my own children.

As a result there are many different ways I advocate for this to happen. There are many strategies, settings and skills that parents and kids need to understand. A few weeks ago I told you about the 4 things parents shouldn’t do with their kids online. Today, I am am reversing this to share with you the 4 things that I am doing everyday to help keep my kids safe online.

1. Remain a step ahead

From the toddler to the teen we always need to be a step ahead. Many parents believe this is nigh on impossible as our kids know so much. This is true. But we are the wise ones (or supposed to be) so use those understandings of human nature, cause and effect and consequence to keep ahead of our kids, even if they are a step ahead in the technology. Don’t fall into the trap of feeling left behind and thus refuse to attempt to understand. I may not know every app my kids are on but I am aware of what is out there, the skills they need to handle certain online interactions and I am constantly reminding them of the traps that others fall into. [Read more...]

Filed Under: Communicating and Connecting, Modern Parenting, Technology and Parenting, Teenagers Tagged With: communication, internet, online, Parenting, rules, technology, teenagers

A very important Mothers Day present: Disconnecting to Reconnect