bullying

Teaching kids empathy in order to tackle the bully

April 2, 2013 By Martine 14 Comments

There was a documentary we sat down to watch with the 10 and 12 year old last week about a football team from America in the 60′s. It was the story of Ole Miss, the Mississippi University where riots ensued after JFK overruled the University Chancellor to allow James Meredith entry into the University as the first African American. The hate and discrimination was perplexing to say the least to our 2 boys. “Are they seriously protesting because he is black? It’s just skin colour?” We then proceeded to elaborate on the civil rights movement and the origins of the racism. What pleased me most I guess was the absolute disbelief that our kids showed. It is just not part of their world that people are discriminated against for skin colour or ethnicity. I know this is not necessarily the case for all kids but in this instance , we have certainly come a long way. They showed genuine empathy for Meredith and for all the African American children that were denied basic human rights. “But aren’t they exactly the same as the other kids?”.

I started thinking about this empathy that my kids felt and wondered how much it extends to other areas of life and discrimination. Empathy is such an important asset, particularly when dealing with bullies both online and in the real world. We know how important the bystander is in helping to curb bullying, and we know the bystander can only be effective if they have an ability to feel empathy.

What is Empathy?

Empathy is more than sympathy or feeling sorry for someone. Empathy is the ability to really put yourself in someone else’ shoes. It is taking on another’s perspective with the self awareness to distinguish ones own feelings from the feelings of others. Empathic behaviour means being aware of the environment and circumstance of others in order to regulate ones own emotional response. [Read more...]

The Role of the Bystander : Give Kids the Skills to Say No To Bullying

June 25, 2012 By Martine 22 Comments

Do you know what your children would do if they were to witness a bullying incident? Would they speak up, intervene, join in, turn away or go and get help? Have you ever asked them?

When we talk about bullying we usually concentrate on the bully and the victim. We talk about why the bully feels the need to torment another. We talk about what the victim should do in response to the bullying. We talk about what we, as parents need to say to our children should they be the victim or the bully.

The most important help or protagonist to any bullying situation however, can actually lie with the bystander. If we as a society are to eradicate bullying, we need to make it absolutely and unconditionally unacceptable. To do so we need to create a culture whereby a bully is the minority and that all those that are witness, refuse to accept.

There are 2 ways a bystander can respond to a bullying incident.

An unhelpful/ negative response:

Encourage the bully by laughing, jeering & helping to instigate the torment or
Stand by watching, accepting and doing nothing [Read more...]

Filed Under: Communicating and Connecting, Modern Parenting Tagged With: bullying, bystanders, communication, Parenting, teenagers

Why we need to Say No To Bullying: an interview with Dylan

June 4, 2012 By Martine 23 Comments

The thought of one of our children being bullied, either verbally, physically or covertly, is something that will always remain one of the greatest concerns for any parent. One boy that was bullied to almost breaking point was Dylan Raven. But Dylan has refused to let his bullies destroy his life and instead set about campaigning to put an end to the devastation that threatens to ruin the lives of so many. I heard about Dylans work to stop bullying online and approached him to answer some questions to help both ourselves as parents understand the role we must play and our children too, get a better perspective of how damaging bullying can be. Dylan is 16 now and studying year 11. You can find him on Facebook at Facebook.com/sn2bullying and follow him on Twitter @DylanRaven16.

Could you give us a little background on what you have endured at the hands of bullies in the past and more recently?

I was firstly bullied when I started year 7 back in 2008. I had pencils, erasers, sharpeners, scissors and rulers thrown at me. By the end of year 7 after I began year 8 the bullying worsened and that is when it turned more physical and violent.

I was choked whilst standing in the canteen line, had my head rammed into a brick wall while waiting in my class line for the teacher, one science lesson I had a cable tie put around my throat, which was then tightened to the point where I couldn’t breathe. My normal teacher had been away that day, so my science class had a casual. At the time when I had the cable tie put around my throat, the teacher had their back to us as they were writing on the board. Their response was “I didn’t see it, you must have done it yourself to get them into trouble” At this stage I was so frustrated; I just walked out of the classroom because everyone was laughing at me.

Do you have any idea as to why you were singled out to be bullied?

A few reasons which I believe I was targeted; They were trying to show off in front of their friends, peer pressuring each other to bully me and to make themselves look good in front of everyone who witnessed the incidents. [Read more...]