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3 ways to get children to cooperate: cues to better behaviour

January 23, 2012 By 10 Comments

There is nothing more frustrating than a toddler or young child that put ups the same arguments, procrastinations, tantrums and refusals in order to avoid doing a certain task or behaving in a certain way. Often these should be relatively simple tasks that need to be done on a daily basis but at the first sign of gesticulation, they quickly escalate into World War 3, causing tempers, voices and stress levels to all rise in one sweaty, heart palpitating, ear piercing unison.

As I am firmly entrenched in the midst of guiding a 4th child through toddlerhood and not far off dealing with the same challenges for a 5th and final time, I have had to come up with a few strategies to ensure tasks are performed with minimal of fuss so that one can move on to all the other gazillion tasks that lie in wait. I have learnt that kids love routine. They love knowing what is coming next and they love being able to predict things. Whilst they will probably not admit it anytime soon, they also love boundaries and having these boundaries enforced. But kids also love the feeling that they are in control and that their decision-making plays a part in their daily tasks. [Read more...]

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Would you dob on your own child?

August 18, 2011 By 10 Comments

How far would you go to teach your child a lesson?

The recent riots in the UK led to the revelation that a mother, on seeing her daughter on CCTV footage involved in some of the rioting and looting, marched her daughter down to the local police station to be dealt with by the law. There is no doubt this girl needed to be taught a lesson and needed to be made accountable for her actions. The destruction was opportunistic and showed a complete lack of respect for others and the businesses they had worked hard to build, some of which were family owned, past on from generations. Do we applaud this woman who obviously felt that this was the only option she felt available to her at the time? Maybe for her this was a last resort and a cry for help for a daughter she could no longer control. Or do we wonder what had gone on previously in that child’s upbringing that had led this child to believe that this was a satisfactory way for her to spend her day? 

I thought about this with regard to my own children, and asked myself (and my husband) if we would ever go to those lengths to teach our children a lesson. [Read more...]

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How good are you at following through?

July 1, 2011 By 2 Comments

Whilst trying to tame the monster of effective parenting and discipline, we have all made a myriad of threats that for whatever reason we have been unable to follow through, despite knowing full well that the long term gains will outweigh the short term pain. This inability to follow through can often depend on the threat itself and the possible ramifications,  our mood at the time, where we are,  who we are with (and hence who is judging) and what the reaction of the child may be if we do or do not follow through with our threat.

We all know that boundaries and the adherence to them is one of the most important aspects and tools to good parenting. But how far have you gone to follow through on a threat when every other cell in your body wanted to give in and avoid the fracas, not to mention the inconsulate look of despair on their’ too cute to be punished’ face?  It is natural to want to recoil as we coolly but calmly explain that they can no longer have the promised treat due to their less than desirable behaviour. [Read more...]

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13 Things I Have Learnt from My First 3 Kids To Help Me Parent The Next 2

April 13, 2011 By 15 Comments

As we parent each new child we gain more knowledge, we learn more strategies, we make more mistakes and we continue to come to the realisation that there is still so much more to know. Whilst nowhere near the completion of my parenting duties, I have managed to get 3 boys through the baby stage, toddlerhood and now have them firmly entrenched in their primary school years.  With a new toddler enthusiastically making his presence felt, and the welcoming of a new baby later in the year, I embark on this ‘second round of early childhood’ with both an open mind and certainly a few lessons learned. So here they are…..13 of my top tips to help me get through the coming years.

  1. Only ever buy exactly the same pair of socks for their entire childhood. As long as they inhabit the same house as you, this is the only answer I can come up with for preventing odd socks.
  2. It doesnt matter how many times you say yes to a child….you will still be the worst parent EVER the one time you say no…so you may as well get it over with early and teach them that No means No, and start growing that thick skin!
  3. Letting your child play with a toy gun, (whilst challenging your initial intentions of creating PC kids) will NOT turn your child into a homicidal maniac. (not so far anyway!) Oh and nor will letting them dress up as Batman, Superman, Buzz Lightyear or a Ninja Turtle. [Read more...]
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Equality is not always the answer. Why we cant always be fair…

April 8, 2011 By 10 Comments

“That is sooooooo not fair” wailed my 9  year old from the bathroom. Not really sure what he was wailing about but my swift response was an equally pained cry of “guess what buddy….life’s not fair!”  You see I know that my kids get ample amounts of everything. They get ample amounts of love, attention, toys, books, games, clothes, shoes and opportunity. It seems at times however, there can still be some snippet of  ’something’ that is alluding them, but is apparently, rightfully theirs! [Read more...]

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