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This Mothers Day I will be thinking of….

May 10, 2013 By 18 Comments

This Mothers Day I will be thinking of my beautiful daughter who I only got to hold for 4 and a half months

This Mothers Day I will be thinking of my two Nannas no longer with me.

This Mothers Day I will be thinking of my family and friends who desperately wanted to be a mother but couldn’t

 This Mothers Day I will be thinking of every mother I have organised a Heartfelt session for this past year who  do not have their babies to hold

This Mothers Day I will be thinking of all those who are having their first Mothers Day without their mum

This Mothers Day I will be thinking of Rachel from Mummas Muddles having to live through her first Mothers Day without her beautiful Hamish

This Mothers Day I will be thinking of how thankful I am to have my own amazing mum so present in everything I do

This Mothers Day I am thinking about how much my mum must be missing her mum……as I desperately do everyday

This Mothers Day I am thinking of how very blessed I am to be the mother to the 5 most amazing boys in all the world.

Who will you be thinking of this Mothers Day? 

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A Poem of loss….for us and too many others

March 1, 2013 By 23 Comments

Something a little different this week.

5 years ago today my brave little girl lost her fight for life. I have been loved and supported by so many in that time. On the day of her funeral my beautiful and talented friend Lucy wrote and read a poem for us. I thought it should be shared.  In my work as representative for Heartfelt, I hear almost every day of others enduring loss. So here it is, a poem for us and for too many others….

 

Our hearts will seem useless to a mother and father

whose child has gone like the days last sun-

but we will offer them anyway.

Our hearts with a room to hold their grief

to hold it up to the light

and see it drifting down to cover these people who dared to love

All words will appear clumsy and common

but we should open our mouths and say them.

Words with the warmth to build a fire

in a dark room of a future night

This is a poem for loss

to tell you we saw you love your daughter boldly and purely before she left

to tell you we know you will love her still

Her smile mirrored in the smile of the boys you will keep.

This is what we can offer-

the ink drying on the page

our restless sleep in which we dream to save her

our waking hours if you should need us

and the cruel confusion of all sorrow

and not knowing where to go now

into the changed day.

 

by Lucy Williams

 

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Today my little girl would have been five: Heartfelt memories

October 17, 2012 By 43 Comments

Today my little girl would have turned 5. She would be getting ready to start school next year. She would have had nearly 2 wondrous years of kinder, playing games, making friends, bringing home enormous amounts of art and craft that I would admire, put on display for a little while and then secretly duck out to the recycling when she wasn’t looking. I don’t think of the milestones that were never reached very often. Maybe because I am so busy with the milestones of her brothers. Maybe because I am too busy with life, work and family commitments.  Or maybe because it is just too painful.

 

But that doesn’t mean that I don’t think about her. I don’t think there is a single thing I do in life now that I cant relate back to what she has given me. In my work I want people to enjoy their families. I want them to know how precious these moments are and I want them to do all they can to take away the stress and bring back more of the joy.  For my own family I want to experience this joy with them. I don’t want to wish away years waiting for that next stage. I don’t want to stress over the little things and forget the bigger picture. I don’t want to spend each day disciplining and yelling and nagging. I do those things when I have to. But I don’t want to be consumed by them.

 

People often ask me how I can volunteer for Heartfelt and be reminded daily of the loss that families experience. I have 4 months worth of photos of my little girl and I treasure every one. Every day when I take a call from a family who would like some photos, I feel a little of their pain. I do. But I want them to know that they will smile again. I want them to know that there will be days that are so dark that they are not sure they will ever see light again. But I want them to know that they will. They will laugh again. They will find joy in little things. They will have dark days again. And moments. And hours. And even months. But they will keep getting up and putting one foot in front of the other. They will even come to a time when they can smile at their photos. Not always. But sometimes. I want them to know that sometimes its good enough just to breathe.  And other times they will feel so happy that for a moment they will feel guilty. It is then they will remember, that they are determined to be happy for that little life that couldn’t be. That they owe it to that life cut short to live each day the best way they know how. I know my photos, keeping her memory alive, help me to do just that.

 

 

If you haven’t heard of Heartfelt and the amazing organisation that it is, then please visit the website and share.

Related Posts: Grief to Me

Remembering Ava

Dont be sad for me

 

 

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R u Ok?

September 13, 2012 By 6 Comments

Last night I asked someone I had never met “Are you ok?” What followed was a 30 minute conversation on grief and loss. This wasn’t my intention, but it was obvious she needed to talk.  I didn’t have to say much. She did a lot of the talking. But I let her talk. She needed to talk.

 

Today is R U Ok day and hopefully everywhere around the world people are connecting with others. Both those that they know and those they don’t .

 

Helping someone deal with grief, depression, sadness or loss is often seen as challenging, awkward and confronting. Mostly people are worried about saying the wrong thing.

 

Mostly they wont.

 

Sometimes it is just being next to them.

 

Sometimes it is walking past them on a busy school morning, putting a chocolate in their hand, squeezing their shoulder and moving on.

 

Sometimes it is staying up all night drinking cups of tea.

 

Sometimes it is long walks talking about nothing much.

 

Sometimes it is simply asking “R u ok?”

 

Always it is letting them know you care.

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Some words to live by from Anne Shirley: Honesty, imagination and a kindred spirit

August 27, 2012 By 17 Comments

The other day I was researching  searching being distracted by the internet when I came across a gorgeous quote from the ever so wise  Anne of Green Gables.

“Today is always fresh with no mistakes in it yet”

I love these words and on more than one occasion have used this outlook when stress, grief or everyday challenges threaten to overwhelm. Whether it be mistakes of our own doing, the mistake of others or situations beyond our control, it certainly helps to think of tomorrow as a clean slate.

I fondly remember reading these books and later watching the series on television. Anne’s imagination, her reference to ones “kindred spirit”, her gregarious nature and forthright honesty makes her one of my most favourite fictional characters. I decided to share some more pearls of wisdom with you here. Her passionate love of language and the written word, her creative outlook her loyalty and her wit and wisdom ensures we could all learn something from the very spirited Anne of Green Gables. [Read more...]

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