How assertive are you? The importance of assertiveness for parent and child

What does it mean to be assertive?  How Assertive are you?  Why is assertiveness so important?  How can being a more assertive parent make for a happier child?

Are you someone who always avoids conflict, always doing whatever you can to keep the peace, often to your own detriment? Do you find yourself always saying yes when you should be saying no? Or are your children labelled as ‘shy’ or often victims of  bullying, unable to communicate their needs to the world outside the family home?

Whatever our personality type, and however confident we are in certain situations, there will always be times when we could benefit from challenging our own assertiveness skills.

What is Assertiveness?

Assertiveness refers to the way we communicate our needs with others. It is a trained pattern of behaviour that allows us to convey our feelings and emotions without violating the rights of others or having our own rights violated. It is that middle ground between being labelled aggressive or passive. Being assertive means we can ask for what we want, need or desire. We can say no when we need to and we can express emotion and feelings without being self conscious.

Why is it important to be assertive?

Self-Esteem- Assertive people tend to have greater confidence in themselves, a greater sense of their own identity, and subsequently a much higher self-esteem. By being able to state more clearly what our needs are, we are far more likely to have these needs met. If we have these needs met we are able to be more confident, if we are more confident we are more assertive, and the ripple effect continues. [Read more...]

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Football and family: 6 reasons why football makes me a better parent

As I bask in the glory of post Grand Final elation, I begin to wonder why football means so much to me and my family. (some of the members anyway). What is it that has us out in rain or hail, turning up every week and planning our yearly calendar around a game that has grown men running around after a rather oddly shaped ball?

What I came up with was a whole range of reasons. And with that was a whole range of reasons why football makes me a better parent and is hopefully teaching my children some very valuable life lessons. I know I have many friends who just dont “get it”, so here now is my attempt to enlighten you with the things football has given me and will hopefully continue to give to my kids for many years to come.

1. Elation, Jubilation and Joy: this one I am still well in the midst of less than 24 hours after celebrating my teams 3rd Grand Final win in 5 years. Having something in our lives that brings such happiness can only be a great thing.

2. Pride: Along with that joy comes pride.  The pride of belonging to a club, of  feeling part of a team and a valued member of  a community is a notion that should be fostered and instilled in our kids.  To have pride in achievements, effort and accomplishments both as an individual and a as team is one way of ensuring that one will always try their best whilst remaining humble and respectful towards those around them.  

  
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20 dinner table conversation starters: connecting with our kids

Last week we looked at ways to improve the communication between ourselves and our kids. We looked at some different strategies to hopefully avoid the one word answers that more often than not accompanied our daily inquisitions.  This week I decided to look at ways we can enhance that connection with some great dinner table conversation starters. Of course you can use these questions at any time, and may even get your kids to write down the answers and compare them a year later. But I think eating dinner as a family is such an important aspect of connecting with our kids, and whilst circumstance and commitments don’t always make it possible every night, it is something which should be aimed for whenever possible. And of course not everyone needs help with conversation, (many attesting to this from the previous posts’ comments), however below are some questions that may impart some interesting revelations, help build self esteem, ignite gratitude, lead to resolutions or compromises or just create a few laughs and happy memories.

1. Who is someone you look up to and why?

2. What do you worry about?

3. What is your most embarrassing moment? [Read more...]

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The Fathers Day Interview: another way to record and remember

This weeks link up with Seven Cherubs ‘Cherish the Cherubs task is to be based around the Interview. Interviewing family and friends is a great way to both record and remember the thoughts, feelings and beliefs of a person from a particular moment in time.

A couple of years ago my eldest son made up a series of questions and interviewed his brothers and us, his mum and dad. He also set up the video recorder to catch it all on film and so we are left with a great source of amusement and insight into our beliefs, our values and a wonderful appreciation for all that we cherished at the time.  (Not to mention how we look and sound!) 

This week I decided to do a Fathers Day interview and ask the kids (the ones that can answer properly) some questions about their dad. Obviously this is something you can do at any time and about any topic and something I hope to do more of in the future. 

Here is a snapshot of the interview. 

What makes your dad a great dad? 

11 yr old: He buys us stuff from Seven Eleven and he hangs out with us a lot [Read more...]

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Recording the Memories

Sometimes it doesn’t hurt for us to remember to take some time out to focus on the little things.  We spend so much time planning for the futures of our children and for the greater plans for ourselves, that it is very easy for us not to live in the moment and take stock of what is going on right now. Whilst I was waiting to give birth last week I came across another gorgeous idea from Naomi from Seven Cherubs about the the importance of “cherishing our cherubs” and taking the time to note down or photograph the little things that will one day become the big things we look back on and cherish about our children. You may remember The Happiness Project which required us to write down a simple sentence each day for a month about something that made us happy that day. This was a great way for us to come up with a positive thought to finish the day. With this idea Naomi has asked for people to link back to her blog with some snippets of the day to day life of our children, to record the things we may take for granted now but may forget  in the years to come. [Read more...]

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