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4 things I do everyday to keep my kids safe online

March 25, 2013 By 16 Comments

Despite being a cyber safety consultant and counsellor of many families that have struggled with online safety issues, my most important job is as a mother to 5 boys. There is no greater motivation for me to research the best ways to ensure responsible online use than the social, emotional and physical safety of my own children.

As a result there are many different ways I advocate for this to happen. There are many strategies, settings and skills that parents and kids need to understand. A few weeks ago I told you about the 4 things parents shouldn’t do with their kids online. Today, I am am reversing this to share with you the 4 things that I am doing everyday to help keep my kids safe online.

 

1. Remain a step ahead

From the toddler to the teen we always need to be a step ahead. Many parents believe this is nigh on impossible as our kids know so much. This is true. But we are the wise ones (or supposed to be) so use those understandings of human nature, cause and effect and consequence to keep ahead of our kids, even if they are a step ahead in the technology. Don’t fall into the trap of feeling left behind and thus refuse to attempt to understand. I may not know every app my kids are on but I am aware of what is out there, the skills they need to handle certain online interactions and I am constantly reminding them of the traps that others fall into. [Read more...]

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Filed Under: Communicating and Connecting, Modern Parenting, Technology and Parenting, Teenagers Tagged With: , , , , , ,

The Dilemma of Privacy Issues Online: helping kids make a compromise

November 13, 2012 By 19 Comments

This week I had a great conversation with my son about privacy and the online world. Well OK, it started off as more of an argument and there were some tense moments….but in the end I think we reached a compromise. And we bought to the surface some interesting dilemmas faced by our kids and indeed by us as parents.

Dilemma 1: he wants me to trust him

Dilemma 2: he wants to protect the privacy of his friends

Dilemma 1 for me: It’s not necessarily him I don’t trust

Dilemma 2 for me: finding the compromise between letting him test out the responsibility I am hoping I have instilled in him… and keeping a watchful eye that this ‘guidance’ is being adhered to.  (After all….”God mum not everyone has a blogger for a mum so I think I have learnt everything I need!”)

This kid is particularly loyal. I would love to have him as a friend as he often puts others first. But our ‘conversation’ came about after I was quizzing him about his use of Kik and Instagram. I just wanted to check who he was talking to, what friends he was ‘connecting’ with….. he just wanted to protect what his friends were saying to him. He assured me there was nothing ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ with what they were saying. It was just that he assumes responsibility for keeping their conversation private. So if I am found looking at stuff  that his friends have written,  then he is somehow betraying that trust.

The point I needed to make was, that no conversation he has with any other person online can ever be completely private. He and his friends need to understand that if they want to be absolutely certain no one else will read stuff, then they need not put it up in the first place. No one can guarantee their mum wont pick up their phone and scroll through. No one can guarantee the younger brother won’t come across conversations when searching for a game to play. No one can guarantee that a confiscated phone won’t be displaying a conversation to the teacher. No one can ever guarantee that words wont be forwarded, copied or shared. It is not the responsibility of the person with the device to keep things private, it is the responsibility of the person writing things online to be aware that there will always be a chance someone else will see it.

The compromise that we reached was that I can check who he is talking to, but I need not read the conversations they are having unless there are circumstances where I think it is warranted. But should he find the conversations are making him uncomfortable or if he thinks that what his friends are saying is not appropriate for online, then he will point that out to them or let them know that it should be better said in real life.

It is a work in progress…..a learning curve for all of us….and I suspect not the last time we will face a dilemma of privacy issues and the online world.

Have you had any issues relating to privacy and the online world with your kids?

Related posts : Public versus private: technology blurs the lines for our kids

 Should you be Facebook friends with your kids?

Facebook Privacy settings

A summary of Social Networking sites

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Filed Under: Communicating and Connecting, Modern Parenting, Technology and Parenting, Teenagers Tagged With: , , , , ,

Technology, time limits and getting it right for our kids

May 29, 2012 By 18 Comments

Do your kids get angry when you ask them to get off the computer, turn off the xbox, give someone else a turn of the Wii or put the ipod away?

Last week I was guest posting over at Planning with Kids about 8 things parents should know about technology and parenting. Many of the comments pointed toward a frustration by parents over the amount of time kids were online and the trouble they had in enforcing rules regarding the use of technology. Or overuse more to the point!

Here are a few pointers to help you take back control and help ensure your kids have a greater chance of being able to regulate their own behavior and time management as they grow up surrounded by the distractions of technology.

Start early  From the moment your little one can swipe an ipad make sure they know there are limits to its use. We want to be able to take things away without a fight every time.  And whilst you will more than likely get one the first few times you interrupt their extremely important, almost at my highest score game, they will learn. Like all aspects of parenting, the earlier you start getting them used to the boundaries, the greater control you will both have over their behaviour. [Read more...]

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Filed Under: Discipline, Modern Parenting, Technology and Parenting, Teenagers Tagged With: , , , , ,

Would you dob on your own child?

August 18, 2011 By 10 Comments

How far would you go to teach your child a lesson?

The recent riots in the UK led to the revelation that a mother, on seeing her daughter on CCTV footage involved in some of the rioting and looting, marched her daughter down to the local police station to be dealt with by the law. There is no doubt this girl needed to be taught a lesson and needed to be made accountable for her actions. The destruction was opportunistic and showed a complete lack of respect for others and the businesses they had worked hard to build, some of which were family owned, past on from generations. Do we applaud this woman who obviously felt that this was the only option she felt available to her at the time? Maybe for her this was a last resort and a cry for help for a daughter she could no longer control. Or do we wonder what had gone on previously in that child’s upbringing that had led this child to believe that this was a satisfactory way for her to spend her day? 

I thought about this with regard to my own children, and asked myself (and my husband) if we would ever go to those lengths to teach our children a lesson. [Read more...]

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Filed Under: Discipline, Modern Parenting Tagged With: , , , , ,

How good are you at following through?

July 1, 2011 By 2 Comments

Whilst trying to tame the monster of effective parenting and discipline, we have all made a myriad of threats that for whatever reason we have been unable to follow through, despite knowing full well that the long term gains will outweigh the short term pain. This inability to follow through can often depend on the threat itself and the possible ramifications,  our mood at the time, where we are,  who we are with (and hence who is judging) and what the reaction of the child may be if we do or do not follow through with our threat.

We all know that boundaries and the adherence to them is one of the most important aspects and tools to good parenting. But how far have you gone to follow through on a threat when every other cell in your body wanted to give in and avoid the fracas, not to mention the inconsulate look of despair on their’ too cute to be punished’ face?  It is natural to want to recoil as we coolly but calmly explain that they can no longer have the promised treat due to their less than desirable behaviour. [Read more...]

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Filed Under: Discipline, Modern Parenting Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,
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