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Just let it go: observations of others and my holiday advice

January 29, 2013 By 12 Comments

Sitting on a beach is a great place to observe people. It is a fabulous canvas of human interaction and behaviour. Sunglasses on and magazine open, a busy beach day affords you the sights and sounds of how others behave, relax, vent, how they handle sand……and yes, how they parent. Now I may in the past have told you that it is important to parent in a way that suits you and is based around your own core values and beliefs and that we should avoid making judgements about others decisions. However, I have to say sometimes it is really hard not to judge people or get annoyed by their actions (yes you people that on a day that is not so busy you put your whopping big tent right in front of me despite the fact that I am clearly trying to keep my eyes on children playing in sand and sea). Sometimes you just want to put your hand on their shoulder and say….”hey….I have some advice for you……”

Now of course I wouldn’t, as that would come across as arrogant. I am also aware that we are not privy to all that is going on with people, what kind of day they have had, what stresses they may encounter with their life, their children or their work. However……if I was to give some advice to a few of the parents I observed over my beach holiday it would be this…..Let it go and move on! [Read more...]

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Filed Under: Modern Parenting, More Joy Less Stress Tagged With: , , ,

It’s not just about switching off: helping kids deal with Cyber Bullies

November 5, 2012 By 15 Comments

When we hear reports in the media of cyber bullies and trolls harassing, stalking and abusing others, the immediate reaction for many has been “Why don’t they just switch off”.

And certainly there is an element of wanting people to ignore, to not feed them and essentially to move on. This however is certainly easier said than done. Should it even be the responsibility of the victim?

Our kids have grown up with the internet, immersed in the online world. It is not just a matter of a new toy that we can ask them to put away. A recent survey found that two thirds of all teens said they could not live without the internet. Now we know that indeed they would survive, and a disconnection will not result in the cessation of a beating heart, however for many the internet is a lifeline to many other elements of their lives.

It is a privilege to have access to the world via this medium, however it is a privilege that like all facets of society, can be grossly abused by many.

When a child gets bullied online, it is our easy answer to say…”turn it off and ignore”. But we are beginning to understand that for many, this is not an option.

We know that cyberbullying is dangerous because it is 24/7 and we are now accessible all the time. We know that it is dangerous because it is a lot easier for a bully to be a bully when they are not seeing the pain in their victims eyes. We know that it is also dangerous because often the bully feels they are anonymous and free from retribution. And we know that cyberbullying is dangerous because the victim is able to read the written or typed word over and over again. This mental torture can be devastating for those already suffering low self esteem, anxiety or depressive disorders.

So if we can’t tell them to just ‘switch off’, what can we do?

What is most important here is to teach them self control. To not fight back. Just like regular bullies, cyber bullies thrive on the ‘fight’, on the attention and the drama. Whilst we want to teach our kids not to accept this behaviour, we also want them to try and fight back via other means…away from the online vitriol that never ends well for anyone.

Some practical steps to take if you or your child is being bullied

  • Block the person from your feed or stream
  • If it continues, report to the appropriate people, (teachers, internet service provider, website administration or the national report cyber bully help buttons).
  •  Take screen shots as evidence if bullies continue to find a way to harass you.
  • And always tell someone. A problem shared is always a problem halved.

The internet and the online world is there to be enjoyed by everyone. We know that there will always be people who have little regard for the welfare of others and for public spaces. We should not have to remove ourselves from the playing field just so we can play safely.

 

 

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Filed Under: Communicating and Connecting, Modern Parenting, Technology and Parenting, Teenagers Tagged With: , , , , ,

R u Ok?

September 13, 2012 By 6 Comments

Last night I asked someone I had never met “Are you ok?” What followed was a 30 minute conversation on grief and loss. This wasn’t my intention, but it was obvious she needed to talk.  I didn’t have to say much. She did a lot of the talking. But I let her talk. She needed to talk.

 

Today is R U Ok day and hopefully everywhere around the world people are connecting with others. Both those that they know and those they don’t .

 

Helping someone deal with grief, depression, sadness or loss is often seen as challenging, awkward and confronting. Mostly people are worried about saying the wrong thing.

 

Mostly they wont.

 

Sometimes it is just being next to them.

 

Sometimes it is walking past them on a busy school morning, putting a chocolate in their hand, squeezing their shoulder and moving on.

 

Sometimes it is staying up all night drinking cups of tea.

 

Sometimes it is long walks talking about nothing much.

 

Sometimes it is simply asking “R u ok?”

 

Always it is letting them know you care.

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Filed Under: Grief, More Joy Less Stress Tagged With: , ,

This weeks best parenting advice: breathe, flex and keep moving

July 24, 2012 By 24 Comments

Parenting advice is everywhere, some of it helpful and some of it not so much.
The best advice is often that which aims to improve the mental health of the parent, either in the short or long term! If this is somewhat well in tact then the functioning of a family is generally on a fairly even keel. (I say ‘somewhat’, ‘generally’, and ‘fairly’ with emphasis, so don’t hold me to this)

With that in mind, one of the greatest pieces of advice I think I will give to any new parent is to be flexible! There are so many skills, strategies and support systems that you need to effectively run a household and rear a family, but no amount of strategizing will help you cope with the flap and tizz that ensues from a down to the second plan gone astray. All the expert knowledge in the world will count for nothing if one doesn’t have an adaptability and agility to change direction at the last minute. A simple bowel movement, a fall in the mud or a bump on the head can ensure the most thought out plan goes belly up and threatens to derail the most organized of operators. [Read more...]

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Filed Under: Modern Parenting, More Joy Less Stress Tagged With: , , , ,

Parenting with illness: the importance of help and support

February 28, 2012 By 18 Comments

Being sick really isn’t any fun at all. And being sick when you have other little (or big) people you are responsible for is even worse. Well that was my week last week. It was only really a good 24 hours that I was physically sick with a violent and ugly case of gastro….but it was enough to pretty much write off the whole week. (It didn’t help that 5 out of our 7 family members got it too…so on the plus side, every item of linen and bedding is fresh and clean and the floors have been washed numerous times!)

When lying in my bed, so thankful for my mother who slotted right into proceedings, and a cousin who had made all the kids lunches, it was kind of bizarre sitting back and listening to the goings on of your family, but having no input at all. It was a bit like wanting to help, give advice, join in and be a part of it, but really not caring enough to be the slightest bit interested. [Read more...]

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Filed Under: Modern Parenting, More Joy Less Stress Tagged With: , , , ,
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