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The downside to being socially switched on…all the time

February 25, 2013 By 19 Comments

The cyber world and the advancements in technology have resulted in many changes to the way we connect with others. Whilst many of the changes have meant greater ease and access to our connections, we know too, that our kids are susceptible to some of the downfalls. One of which, I believe, is the need to be ‘switched on’ socially……all the time.

With a vast majority of our kids’ socialising occurring online via social networks, it would seem that this constant contact allows for very little downtime. Very little time to ‘not care’ what they are doing or saying, who they are hanging out with, or what they are listening to or watching. [Read more...]

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Filed Under: Communicating and Connecting, Modern Parenting, Technology and Parenting, Teenagers Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

The Help: Some lessons for us all (and a giveaway!)

February 21, 2012 By 18 Comments

I recently found myself giving in and watching the movie “The Help” as despite having a copy of the book by my bedside table I just couldn’t quite get to it  (I am struggling as it is to read my one book group book per month). I am so glad I watched it though. It was a wonderful portrayal of the complexities of the Civil Rights movement in Mississippi as seen by three young women who set out to transcend the lines that define them. But for me there was some very poignant moments and much to take on board with regards to raising our own children. The words by Aibileen to the toddler Mae, who she was essentially raising, have stuck with me well beyond the closing credits and have the ability to also transcend all lines and times. These words she would have her young charges repeat on a daily basis.

 

“You is kind. You is smart. You is important” [Read more...]

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8 ways to improve assertiveness, for parents and their children

October 13, 2011 By 3 Comments

Assertiveness. Something we all need but something that doesn’t always come naturally. In my last post we looked at the importance of assertiveness, what it meant to be assertive and whether or not this was something we needed to work on for ourselves and our children. 

Whilst we know that personality and the gene pool lottery can play a part in how easily or not one can assert themselves, we also know that assertiveness is a behaviour, and behaviours can be challenged and changed. 

Below are some strategies to help you become more assertive, as well as those to help our children. As they begin to become more independent and venture out into the world beyond the family home, it is important that our children too are equipped with the skills to assert themselves. 

When trying to assert ourselves, get our point across or have our needs met in a particular way, it is important to: 

1.Be clear about what you want. Get straight to the point and refrain from long winded explanations. The more you talk in circles, the less weight your point of view will have and the more likely it is that you will be overwhelmed or intimidated. 

2.Ask for more time. When somebody asks a favour of you and you are unsure how to respond, then don’t be afraid to ask for more time or for more information. Again it is far better to give yourself time to assess the situation to determine whether it is something that will work for you. To avoid saying “yes” when you may in fact need to say “No” you can instead respond to a request with something like “I am not sure yet, I need more time to work out what I am doing”.                                                                                                                                                                                                              Remember when we say no to someone we are only rejecting their request, we are not rejecting the person.  [Read more...]

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Filed Under: Communicating and Connecting, Modern Parenting Tagged With: , , , , , ,

How assertive are you? The importance of assertiveness for parent and child

October 7, 2011 By 8 Comments

What does it mean to be assertive?  How Assertive are you?  Why is assertiveness so important?  How can being a more assertive parent make for a happier child?

Are you someone who always avoids conflict, always doing whatever you can to keep the peace, often to your own detriment? Do you find yourself always saying yes when you should be saying no? Or are your children labelled as ‘shy’ or often victims of  bullying, unable to communicate their needs to the world outside the family home?

Whatever our personality type, and however confident we are in certain situations, there will always be times when we could benefit from challenging our own assertiveness skills.

What is Assertiveness?

Assertiveness refers to the way we communicate our needs with others. It is a trained pattern of behaviour that allows us to convey our feelings and emotions without violating the rights of others or having our own rights violated. It is that middle ground between being labelled aggressive or passive. Being assertive means we can ask for what we want, need or desire. We can say no when we need to and we can express emotion and feelings without being self conscious.

Why is it important to be assertive?

Self-Esteem- Assertive people tend to have greater confidence in themselves, a greater sense of their own identity, and subsequently a much higher self-esteem. By being able to state more clearly what our needs are, we are far more likely to have these needs met. If we have these needs met we are able to be more confident, if we are more confident we are more assertive, and the ripple effect continues. [Read more...]

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Filed Under: Communicating and Connecting, Modern Parenting Tagged With: , , , , ,

Effective Praise in Parenting

September 12, 2011 By 11 Comments

This weeks Cherishing the Cherubs project focuses on Praise.

Praise and positive reinforcement is a crucial element in providing our children with much that they need in order to approach life with a healthy optimism, self esteem and sense of pride.

In the past I have written about not relying on Praise alone to build positive self esteem, but rather it is one of the many tools we must use in order to raise happy and confident kids. I do however think there are some areas where we don’t always quite get it right.

In the early years we have no trouble heaping praise on our little cherubs as they learn to clap their hands, crawl, walk and kick a ball. It is the later years however, particularly the teenage years, where this praise often diminishes to a trickle. I recently read that teenagers, on average, hear one positive comment for every five negative ones. Not having reached that stage myself I am well aware that those said teenagers may sometimes make it difficult for one to heap on the praise.  But with all the weird stuff going on in the teenage brain, the influx of hormones and the physical changes to their bodies, it is important to remember that these are crucial years in their development and we need to ensure the praise we so readily bestow on them in the early years, continues throughout these  later ones. [Read more...]

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Filed Under: Communicating and Connecting, Discipline, Modern Parenting, Teenagers Tagged With: , , , ,
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